One of my most popular #FetishFridays segments is on Adult Baby Diaper Lovers as a “fetish” (remember, we use that term loosely around just fun, fetish-y, fantasy, and fantastic sex play”). With over 10,000 views and counting, its the most viewed YouTube video I have on my channel- which begged me to write a blog around Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers.
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Some of the information I have written here is from a presentation from the 2018 AASECT Annual Conference entitled. “Talk about Taboo! Interpreting the World of Age Play: Adult Babies, Diaper Fetishes, Littles and Middles” by Rhoda Lipscomb, PhD, CST.
You can read more about her study on AD/DL’s here with her doctoral dissertation here.
There is a lot more information out there for Adult Babies/Diaper Lovers but here is just a general overview around AB/DL. My aim is to allow AB/DLs to be able to find an affirming and non-judgmental sex therapist to help them when they feel like they need therapy! AB/DLs often report not feeling comfortable sharing with their therapist their enjoyment of AB/DL for fear of judgment or fear that they might be linked in with a sex offender category. This isolates AB/DLs even more, and encourages shame and secrecy.
DEFINITIONS
Clinical Definitions (according to DSM- highly pathological and I don’t diagnose any of my clients with these diagnosis nor agree with how they apply, these terms might be something to be aware of.
- Paraphilic infantilism (needs to be significant distress or impairment around
- Autonepiophilia (fetishistic side)
Common Terms
Adult Baby or AB:
“An adult baby is a mature person who likes pretending to be an infant. An adult baby may play the role of a baby full-time or only some of the time. The lifestyle adult babies practice is known as infantilism.Being an adult baby can be a way for some people to enjoy a sexual fetish known as paraphilic infantilism or adult baby syndrome. However, some adult babies have no sexual motivation for their role and enjoy engaging in playing activities. Most adult babies play infants of their own gender. However, some adult babies, known as sissy babies, play infants of the opposite gender (Kinkly, 2018). Adult babies can be sexually fetishistic, yet also possible to be non-sexual. More of an ego state or identity.”
(Please note: the videos in this blog helpful but I don’t always agree with the language or representation in the video, but I think it does do a decent job of sharing these particular ABDLs experiences).
Diaper Lover or DL:
“Diaper fetishism is a sexual fetish where an individual derives sexual pleasure from either wearing a diaper, seeing others wear diapers, or both.
Diaper fetishism can also be used within the context of BDSM activity, where the diaper is used as a source of humiliation” (Kinkly 2018). Diaper lovers are a sexual fetish by classic definition.
AB/DL– both a little bit of diapers and a little bit of adult babies
Littles/Bigs/Middles-
Little refers to a submissive person who role plays a younger age. The little is the little girl or little boy in a daddy-dom BDSM role playing act. This person is dominated by a daddy. In rarer instances, the dominant person may be a mommy. The little dresses for the part. They also alter their voice to seem younger.
A middle is an adult who roleplays as an older child during age play scenarios. A middle is known as a type of age player.
Typically, a middle pretends to be someone aged from 11 to 17. Middles roleplay being older than adult babies and littles, but younger than bigs.
A big can also be called a Caregiver/Babysitter/Big/Mommy/Daddy: These terms are usually used to describe the one in charge. Feel free to identify with whatever term makes you feel most comfortable. (Kinkly.com)
Age Play
Ageplay is the idea of role playing someone of a different age than you biologically are. Many ageplayers prefer picking a role in the younger ages such as an infant, a toddler, a younger child, or a teenager. The specific age someone prefers will be unique to the person themselves. (This video is helpful but I don’t always agree with the language or representation in the video, but I think it does do a decent job of sharing these particular ABDLs experiences).
WHAT THIS IS AND WHAT THIS IS NOT
- This is not pedophilia. This is erotic play and erotic theater, where consenting adults use their imaginations
- There is a HUGE difference between coercive vs. non-coercive behavior:
- When you don’t have the consent of others to be a part of your scene (public place) or when you participate with children/ACTUAL similar aged peers (playing on the playground with other three year olds when you are an age player).
- ABDL Continuum
- A survey that Lipscomb (2018) cited says that more people on the diaper lover side (sexualized) than the Adult Baby side
- Sexual vs. Anxiety Reduction
- Regression vs. Roleplay
- Regression: the person thinks as a child of that age would think and act. Even in deep regression the individual essentially is stil an adult with access to adult ab
Why am I an adult baby `
WHO ARE AB/DLs?
GENDER: 86% Male, 8% Female* (this was reported as being a very low statistic and that a lot more women involved), 6% transgender continuum
DEVELOPMENT: First interest is similar for males and females with peaks at approximately ages 3-6 and pre-puberty 10-12. Women are more likely to develop an interest after the age of 20.
WHERE DOES IT COME FROM: Cause is unknown. Most likely many possible causes.
– Trauma: research shows only 2-3% relate to trauma
– 54% surveyed thought it might be stumbling across AB/DL reference or being introduced by friend/lover
– 30% believe they may have been born with desire to wear diapers
Lot more research needs to be done.
COMMON ISSUES SEEN IN THERAPY
Most AB/DLs come to therapy for a lot of reasons that many other people come to therapy for and don’t have hugely different issues from other populations. Here is a list of common issues that clients who identify as AB/DL present with in therapy:
- Shame
- Guilt
- Embarassment
- Fear of being judged or thought to be a pedophile
- Learning self-acceptance
- Explaining to partner/family
BENEFITS OF THERAPY
AB/DL’s benefit a lot from therapy
- Self-acceptance
- Stress/anxiety reduction
- Improve depression
- Anger reduction
- Sleep
- Acceptance of partner/family
- Balance between Big and Little Side
WHY ARE MORE AB/DLs NOT IN THERAPY?
- Fear of psychiatric community
- Most advise others to seek therapy; won’t go themselves
- 53% have seen a therapist, 21% have gone, never mentioned AB/DL, 13% mentioned it while there for other issues, 7% did therapy because of pressure from family/partner, only 5% went because they wanted help with their AB/DL interests
DOING THERAPY WITH AB/DL
As a therapist who specializes in working with AB/DL, I aim to do a lot of
- Co-occurring disorders: anxiety, depression, OCD, sleep difficulty, alcohol/drug abuse
- Using interest in diapers to help treat some of these disorders
- Bring balance between Big and little side
More Resources to learn more about AB/DLs:
Articles:
Littles: Affects and Aesthetics in Sexual Age-Play
A Qualitative Exploration of Adult Baby/Diaper Lover Behavior From an Online Community Sample
Couples and AB/DLs, including podcast and blog:
Books:
There’s A Baby in my Bed by Rosalie Bent
Adult Babies: Psychology & Practices by Rosalie Bent
Conventions:
A few other therapists that have expressed a skillset in working with AB/DLs:
California:
Jennifer Rehor, LMFT, CST
Hernando Chaves MFT, DHS
Colorado: Dr. Rhoda Lipscomp
Kentucky: Lanie Hopping, MA, LPA
Maryland: Stefani Levin, MSW, LCSW-C
North Carolina: Krista Nabar, PsyD, LP, HSPP
Maine, Massachusetts, New York, New Hampshire and Texas: ME! Rhiannon Beauregard, MA, LMFT-S, CST