Sexting didn’t exist when I was an adolescent and young adult, but I am glad it exists now! Back in the day, sexting for me was as elaborate as a note that asked if someone would go out with me and h
ad a yes and no check box. Or maybe someone drew a penis on a desk. That was pretty much it. But with the increase in texting (starting mid/late 1990’s, actually the FIRST text was sent in 1992 but texting didn’t become popular until a little later), it was only a matter of time before we sexified texting and made it an amazing tool (as well as a tool to use with caution) to accentuate our sexual communication. In fact “sexting” became an official word in the dictionary not that long ago (2012) so don’t feel bad if you don’t really know what I’m talking about
First off, for consenting adults, in general, I fully support sexting. Now what is sexting technically? Sexting is defined by Miriam Webster as “the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone”, but
sexting has also included emailing, chatting, and other media that is text or image based.
BENEFITS
I think there are a lot of benefits to sexting between consenting adults. I think sexting builds desire, creates excitement, keeps the fire stoked at times when you are away from each other, is a safe way to explore yourself sexually, is a safe and fun way to explore fantasy and sexually explicit content, and in generally can be super erotic. For partners who are apart from each other during the day or for long periods of time, sexting can keep that fire warm and hot even when they aren’t in the same location. And sexting doesn’t have to be nude pics, dick pics, or sexually explicit words. It can be as simple as just texting an eggplant emoji with a question mark to your partner with a kiss (don’t know what I am talking about- check out these links:
A Beginners Guide to Sexting with Emoji
69 Emoji Combinations That Symbolize Sexual Acts
Definitive Emoji-Sexting Glossary
Other benefits- no one ever got an STD/STI or got pregnant from a sext. (Not to my knowledge… not yet at least). Sexting is a safe way to explore different fantasies, fetishes, and sexual enactments that can be stopped at any time (turn off the phone) and can be creative and artistic and help people develop their authentic sexual selves or try things that they might not in real life that can enhance and improve their sexual lives.
Sexting can often resolve or help reduce the negative symptoms of a sexual functioning concern and be a good tool in sex therapy. Sometimes people are a lot more comfortable being sexual via images and texts than they are in person, which is a good start in the right direction.
Sexting is a creative and artistic way to express and develop yourself sexually. This is why I think sexting is popular amongst teens and adolescents: as teens and adolescents develop themselves sexually, sexting is a safe way to explore some themes that might not be super safe in real life (IRL).
RISKS
The risks are important to mention but I don’t want to nay say what I feel like is a really good tool and resource for consenting adults. Some of the risks include the fact that you can’t control the information or images that you are sending once you press that send button- so its important that you trust your sexting partner and establish that these thoughts and images are for their eyes only. Even creating a verbal agreement with that partner won’t protect you from them misusing the content if they want to, so just press send at your own risk.
We often don’t think about this, but be careful sexting on a phone that your company/business pays for or on an account that you share. Information isn’t TRULY private at all, I think we all know that confidentiality and privacy is an illusion in this day and age. Don’t send something that you really don’t want anyone ever to see ever. Know that when you put information, text, or an image out there, it likely won’t disappear…it’s out there. And many companies have policies against using electronic devices for anything sexual and you could get in deep trouble, fired, and sometimes prosecuted for sending/receiving sexually explicit media on company devices.
Make sure you know who you are talking to and sexting. It’s super important that you NEVER EVER EVER send a sext to someone that you don’t know for sure who is on the receiving end. And you really don’t know who is receiving the sext right? So be very careful. Sending a sext to someone who is underaged is illegal…even if you didn’t intend to send it to them. Make sure you keep passwords and locks on your phone, and even set up a setting where the text messages and images don’t come through on the home screen where anyone underaged can see a sext.
As with any and all type of communication, you can’t always really tell the inflection and tone and meaning in a text or image. So sometimes misunderstandings can occur. And what is difficult with sexting is that consent gets a little hazy. It’s important that you have someones consent before being sexual with them, but consent and sexting isn’t always present (we don’t have language in our culture just yet on “is it okay if I send you a dick pic?”) but we need to…
Overall, sexting mindfully and safely can be a very beneficial and creative way of expressing yourself sexually, but use carefully and appropriately with consenting adults. And HAVE FUN!